little earthquakes

Yesterday was a bit of a mess for me. Just before I went into class I discovered that even if I did win the scholarship I have been working so hard for, you need to continue having the perfect attendance and grades right until the end of the following term and THEN you get the money, on the 17th of February. Remember how my ticket to Seoul is for the 12th of Feb?

It seems obvious now what to do, but I actually sat in the courtyard for over an hour biting my nails and trying to untangle the mess of thoughts in my head. To do or not to do that stupid freaking speech contest? Do I just give up and concentrate on my exams? Change dates, do visa runs, stick with the plan, what what? It wasn’t really about the money (although I definitely need it) so much as the motivation… without that scholarship to work for, what was the whole point?

I really wanted to give up and go home to bed. Fortunately, I also really wanted to go to yoga that evening too, so I didn’t leave the campus. Eventually the solution floated to the top of all the mess in my head, and I heaved a sigh of relief and went back to the library where I worked hard until it was time for yoga. The solution, by the way, is to just keep on keeping on until the 20th of December, when I find out if I get the money or not. If I don’t, then there is no need to change any plans. If I do get it, then I can change the date on my tickets and do a visa run during the holidays — the cost of doing so should be outweighed by the extra money from the scholarship.

Anyway, I am really glad that yoga class forced to me stay at Zhengda. I was too upset at first to make any sense of the situation, but going home to bed would not have resolved anything. I have finished my Scientology presentation (and my teacher emailed me last night to say it was “寫的好極了!!!” (Great writing + 3 exclamation marks — yes, I counted them and each one made me smile even harder). I also have been practicing the much-loathed speech and whilst I won’t be winning any prizes, I am fairly confident I can get through the 5 minutes without bursting into tears.

And now… to school. I have to miss the Metro Hash run tonight because I have so much studying to do, but I’m taking my swimming stuff with me and hopefully will get an hour in tonight between library sessions.

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