the truth about treatment

Dear Doctors and Dentists:

Let’s be honest about this. If you give me a course of pills to take, I will probably take them properly for 1.3 days, randomly grab a couple here and there over the next 3 days, and then give up altogether. I have no concept of time or schedule, my days vary wilding in location and timing, and “4 times a day with each meal and before bed” just doesn’t work for me.

If you give me anti-inflamatories, and tell me that I must not take them on an empty stomach, that’s me done for, because I only ever remember to take them at midnight (on an empty stomach) or when I wake up (before breakfast) — so I delay them until eating time, and then forget.

If you give me anti-biotics, first up, tell me they are anti-biotics, because unless you tell me, I will take them in the haphazard fashion mentioned above, which is a complete waste of time.

If you give me “three sets a day of 10 reps on each side” of three different stretching and strengthening exercises, I will eventually end up doing one of the exercises, once a day, for an undefined number of reps (between 7 and 20) because I can’t count.

If you tell me to massage a gel into my injured knees, or to ice the knees/shins for 20 minutes after activity — please, can we get real here? do you think I have time to do this shit?

I know, this is entirely my own fault and I’m sorry, I suck, but it’s been like this as long as I can remember. So can we just try something that actually works for me? such as, “Take one pill whenever you remember, but no more than once a day” and “stretch a couple of times a day whenever you remember it” and “ice twice a week when you are at home and have some frozen cherries on hand”.

Because now I have a worryingly sore wisdom tooth socket, and my knees still don’t feel any better. And I have a feeling this is all my own doing 😦

Another truth: I really must go for a swim before the dentist, but I am reluctant to do so because I am having a good hair day and the pool always ruins my hair. What a lazy bum!

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