disguise

This morning I stopped to get a chocolate-stuffed waffle on the way to work, after seeing the psychologist. I used to see this particular psychologist a long time ago, and she greeted me warmly, before confessing that she destroys her records that are more than 7 years old, and it’s been at least that long, so while she remembered me, she didn’t know anything about me anymore.

I think I’m quite relieved, really. The person I was 7 years ago was seeing a psychologist for completely different reasons, so I’m glad she didn’t get to review her notes on who I was aged 24. Instead we focused on work and burnout and the halo I have to let go of.

Anyway, I stopped to get a warm melted-chocolate waffle, because it was a waffle-eating crisp cool autumn-type morning. In front of the waffle shop there was a busker playing “Hey There Delilah”, which I’d never heard before the time James played it to me, in Paris, when we were staying in a tiny flat with a view out onto Notre Dame. I immediately loved its cheesiness then, and I love it now, and of course whenever I hear it I get many feels about our relationship and counting down the years till I’ll be done with school and James will be making history.

It made me smile because they’ve got planes and trains and cars and James was going to be with me in just one more day. So I sent him a text to tell him about my waffle and the busker, and he told me he was at the airport going through security on his way home. So happy!

Of course, then it turned out he wasn’t coming home, because his paperwork wasn’t quite right and apparently they are pissy about that kind of thing, and suddenly our happy long weekend away in Port Campbell was not happening and James is not going to be back here just yet, and whilst it’s only a few more days apart, not something awful like what can happen when your favourite person in the world is an aid worker in Iraq, so of course I can’t be too melodramatic about it… I am sad.

But I powered on with my day, got my work done, went to Bikram, and then resisted the temptation to treat myself with a load of chocolate bunnies and instead downloaded the last few episodes of GIRLS and made plans with my darling Nat for the weekend (including a sleepover, because who wants to be sad at home?). Gotta be tougher than the average woman.

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